...BLIZZARD WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 6 AM TUESDAY TO 6 AM CST WEDNESDAY...

 

 

Blizzard Warning.  Blizzard freaking Warning.  Capslock.  BLIZZARD WARNING.

Never in my life, have I heard of such a thing in mid-Missouri.  My mother cannot remember ever having a Blizzard Warning in mid-Missouri.  That’s at least 50 years of no Blizzard Warnings.

A BLIZZARD WARNING FOR HEAVY SNOW AND HIGH WINDS REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 6 AM TUESDAY TO 6 AM CST WEDNESDAY.

It’s coming.  Winter is Coming.  (Thank you, George R. R. Martin.)I can’t begin to even write a proper blog entry, because I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that I may be facing a freaking BLIZZARD on my way home from work tomorrow.  I may never even Get to work tomorrow because of said blizzard. 

SNOW ACCUMULATIONS BETWEEN 12 AND 16 INCHES MAY BE POSSIBLE TUESDAY THROUGH WEDNESDAY MORNING.

I watched the weather websites today at work (When bad weather threatens, people do not come to the vet.  In fact, they don’t even Call the vet.  Today felt like a whole week rolled into one day, but I digress.), and at one point a meteorologist forecasted that there would be 26 inches of snow by tomorrow.  That’s ludicrous, unheard of.  I don’t know what I’d Do with that much snow.  12 and 16 inches seem like a lot, but that’s at least fathomable.  I’ve seen that before.  26 inches… not so much.

ONCE SNOW ARRIVES LATE TONIGHT AND EARLY TUESDAY MORNING...ROADS WILL RAPIDLY BECOME SNOW COVEREDAND TRAVEL WILL BE DANGEROUS IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE. THIS STORM HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BRING TRAVEL TO A HALT OVER MUCH OF KANSAS AND MISSOURI TUESDAY THROUGH EARLY WEDNESDAY.

I can’t imagine anyone managing to get to their car with that much snow.  I mean, really?  Missourians have trouble driving with an inch of snow.  There is no hope for the survival of the world if anyone expects to drive in a foot of snow.  No freaking way. I have a bad feeling about this.

...STRONG WINDS BETWEEN 25 AND 40 MPH ON TUESDAYWILL CREATE SIGNIFICANT BLOWING AND DRIFTING SNOW ALONG WITH WHITEOUT CONDITIONS. BLIZZARD CONDITIONS WILL BE POSSIBLE ON ALL MAJOR ROADWAYS INCLUDING HIGHWAYS 71 AND 50 TUESDAY AFTERNOON AND NIGHT. THE STRONG WINDS MAY ALSO LEAD TO POWER OUTAGES...WHICH WOULD PRODUCE IMPACTS LONG AFTER THE SNOW HAS ENDED AS TEMPERATURES FALL TO BELOW ZERO BY WEDNESDAY MORNING.

I am taking this to be the actual warning of impending doom and gloom.  Apocalypse, if you will.  I will.  I have depicted this part in the painting above as the crimson slash.  That’s my blood on the ground as I am eaten by snow zombies.  There is no hope.  Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS... A BLIZZARD WARNING MEANS SEVERE WINTER WEATHER CONDITIONS AREEXPECTED OR OCCURRING. FALLING AND BLOWING SNOW WITH STRONG WINDS AND POOR VISIBILITIES ARE LIKELY. THIS WILL LEAD TO WHITEOUT CONDITIONS...MAKING TRAVEL EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. DO NOT TRAVEL. IF YOU MUST TRAVEL...HAVE A WINTER SURVIVAL KIT WITH YOU. IF YOU GET STRANDED...STAY WITH YOUR VEHICLE.

I like the use of short succinct sentences here.  DO NOT TRAVEL. (You will die.)  STAY WITH YOUR VEHICLE. (Or we have no hope of finding your remains.) 

*****

Dear National Weather Service,

Thank you for the warning of the imminent apocalypse.  I appreciate all your effort; however, as there is nothing more that I can do to prepare for the impending apocalypse, I suppose all I can do is to “keep calm and carry on.”

Good luck and may the Force be with you,
@Notthegirl