...BLIZZARD WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 6 AM TUESDAY TO 6 AM CST WEDNESDAY...

 

 

Blizzard Warning.  Blizzard freaking Warning.  Capslock.  BLIZZARD WARNING.

Never in my life, have I heard of such a thing in mid-Missouri.  My mother cannot remember ever having a Blizzard Warning in mid-Missouri.  That’s at least 50 years of no Blizzard Warnings.

A BLIZZARD WARNING FOR HEAVY SNOW AND HIGH WINDS REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 6 AM TUESDAY TO 6 AM CST WEDNESDAY.

It’s coming.  Winter is Coming.  (Thank you, George R. R. Martin.)I can’t begin to even write a proper blog entry, because I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that I may be facing a freaking BLIZZARD on my way home from work tomorrow.  I may never even Get to work tomorrow because of said blizzard. 

SNOW ACCUMULATIONS BETWEEN 12 AND 16 INCHES MAY BE POSSIBLE TUESDAY THROUGH WEDNESDAY MORNING.

I watched the weather websites today at work (When bad weather threatens, people do not come to the vet.  In fact, they don’t even Call the vet.  Today felt like a whole week rolled into one day, but I digress.), and at one point a meteorologist forecasted that there would be 26 inches of snow by tomorrow.  That’s ludicrous, unheard of.  I don’t know what I’d Do with that much snow.  12 and 16 inches seem like a lot, but that’s at least fathomable.  I’ve seen that before.  26 inches… not so much.

ONCE SNOW ARRIVES LATE TONIGHT AND EARLY TUESDAY MORNING...ROADS WILL RAPIDLY BECOME SNOW COVEREDAND TRAVEL WILL BE DANGEROUS IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE. THIS STORM HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BRING TRAVEL TO A HALT OVER MUCH OF KANSAS AND MISSOURI TUESDAY THROUGH EARLY WEDNESDAY.

I can’t imagine anyone managing to get to their car with that much snow.  I mean, really?  Missourians have trouble driving with an inch of snow.  There is no hope for the survival of the world if anyone expects to drive in a foot of snow.  No freaking way. I have a bad feeling about this.

...STRONG WINDS BETWEEN 25 AND 40 MPH ON TUESDAYWILL CREATE SIGNIFICANT BLOWING AND DRIFTING SNOW ALONG WITH WHITEOUT CONDITIONS. BLIZZARD CONDITIONS WILL BE POSSIBLE ON ALL MAJOR ROADWAYS INCLUDING HIGHWAYS 71 AND 50 TUESDAY AFTERNOON AND NIGHT. THE STRONG WINDS MAY ALSO LEAD TO POWER OUTAGES...WHICH WOULD PRODUCE IMPACTS LONG AFTER THE SNOW HAS ENDED AS TEMPERATURES FALL TO BELOW ZERO BY WEDNESDAY MORNING.

I am taking this to be the actual warning of impending doom and gloom.  Apocalypse, if you will.  I will.  I have depicted this part in the painting above as the crimson slash.  That’s my blood on the ground as I am eaten by snow zombies.  There is no hope.  Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS... A BLIZZARD WARNING MEANS SEVERE WINTER WEATHER CONDITIONS AREEXPECTED OR OCCURRING. FALLING AND BLOWING SNOW WITH STRONG WINDS AND POOR VISIBILITIES ARE LIKELY. THIS WILL LEAD TO WHITEOUT CONDITIONS...MAKING TRAVEL EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. DO NOT TRAVEL. IF YOU MUST TRAVEL...HAVE A WINTER SURVIVAL KIT WITH YOU. IF YOU GET STRANDED...STAY WITH YOUR VEHICLE.

I like the use of short succinct sentences here.  DO NOT TRAVEL. (You will die.)  STAY WITH YOUR VEHICLE. (Or we have no hope of finding your remains.) 

*****

Dear National Weather Service,

Thank you for the warning of the imminent apocalypse.  I appreciate all your effort; however, as there is nothing more that I can do to prepare for the impending apocalypse, I suppose all I can do is to “keep calm and carry on.”

Good luck and may the Force be with you,
@Notthegirl

The Littlest Primrose

The dainty Primrose traveled a very long way to a small house, and then downstairs to a dark room.  The journey wore the little Primrose out, and once she felt her pot settle itself onto a snug little shelf, she immediately fell into a deep sleep.  The next morning, she awoke to the sound of voices.  Lots of voices coming from all around her. 

“What could it possibly be?” she wondered, for in the dark she had imagined that she was quite alone.  The voices continued, and she realized that they spoke of her. 

“Who is this intruder? When did she arrive? Surely, our lady did not bring a new plant without awakening us,” said a gruff voice.

“Why do you suppose our lady would have told us, old man?” replied a second voice. 

The little Primrose closed her eyes and pretended she wasn’t there, but it didn’t keep the voices from talking about her.  She couldn’t imagine why anyone would ever be bothered by her.  Judging from the voices, the other flowers had to be older and wiser than she. 

Suddenly, the voices stopped.  The little Primrose took the liberty of opening one of her eyes.  All of the other plants stared at her. 

“Oh!  You startled me,” she said. “Why are you all staring at a little Primrose like me?  I’m nothing special. Do you mind that I am here?  The lady placed me here on this shelf, but if I wiggle just right, I’m sure I could fall off the edge.  If you mind me… that much.”

The plants continued staring at her. 

Finally, the gruff voice, which belonged to the oldest African Violet the little Primrose had ever seen, said, “Don’t bother yourself about us.  If the lady put you there, there’s where  you belong.” 

“Besides,” said one of the younger African Violets with the pink and white flowers, “look at the pretty red pot the lady put you in.  She must think you a wonderful little flower.  If she thinks that, so do we.”

At that, the little Primrose looked down and noticed for the first time the bright red pot she had settled her roots into the evening before.  “Oh my, what a lovely shade of red.  It does match my blooms just so.  I do believe I will be happy here.” 

Then the little shelf of plants grew great and beautiful under the care of their lady, and they lived out all their days happily with nary a bad word ever said.

The end.

Book Review: Fairy Tales Every Child Should Know edited by Hamilton Wright Mabie

When I decided that I would write a book review for every book I read, I did not take into consideration that I would be writing reviews for books that had been written over a hundred years ago.*  However, the book I most recently finished is one such book.  Published in 1905, Fairy Tales Every Child Should Know is a collection of 24 popular fairy tales.  Included in the titles are familiar tales such as, Hansel and Grethel, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Little Red Riding Hood. 

I preferred the more obscure tales such as The White Cat, in which a white cat is able to marry a prince, and The Light Princess, in which a evil fairy takes the gravity away from her young niece.  I enjoyed these and the other more obscure tales more than those I had already experienced.  It turns out that Disney has a way of changing everything about the original tale, and after growing up with the Disney version it is hard to love the story in its original format. 

I imagine anyone who grew up with the Disney fairy tales will find the more popular tales in this book to be a disappointment; however, it is interesting to find what parts of the story Disney changed and what parts are taken directly from the original story.  The allure of Disney is not why I would recommend this book. 

I recommend this book because of the fairy tales you have never experienced.  These stories manage to take you back to your childhood when a patient parent or grandparent or sibling read to you at bedtime.  Stories like “The Light Princess” that still command wonder hundreds of years after they originated are a fine art, and are especially hard to come by. These stories are the reason I recommend this book.

*Because of this book’s age, it is in the public domain.  As such, it has a nice price tag.  It’s free for anyone willing to download it at the following link:

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/14916

Once in the snow…

… the little mouse hid under some grass in a sort of cave he had kept clear of the snow that had fallen over the night.  The little mouse, whose name happened to be Bert (for those keeping score), hated the snow.  He had planned on traveling overland to see a young lady mouse that had caught his fancy, but the snow had quickly foiled those plans.

Unfortunately for Bert, he set out to see his girlfriend just before the blizzard left the white blanket over the land.  He had the good sense to make a sort of shelter for himself out of the snow, but soon realized that he would be snowed under for at least a couple of days.  In the back of his mind, Bert heard a little voice say, “Wayward mice often disappear.”  His grandmother, Gertrude (may she rest in peace), had said those ominous words to him more than a few times.  They now played in his head on repeat. 

Bert sat in his makeshift igloo for what seemed like hours.  In reality, it was hours.  He had just gotten used to the deathly quite when he heard muffled footsteps coming his direction.  Bert stood frozen.  He hoped it would continue on and not pay any mind to a little wayward mouse.

***

The big black and white dog trotted along happily in the snow.  She knew from experience that if one went hunting just after a blizzard, one might easily catch 15 or 20 field mice as they tended to stay in little caves under the snow.  She put her nose to the ground and listened for the smallest noise.

Then she smelled it.  The distinctive odor of a terrified mouse.  She stopped, stood still and sniffed at the air.  Bert heard her stop and let out a sigh of relief.  Upon hearing the relieved sigh, the black and white dog pounced in a way not dissimilar to a cat pouncing on an escaping rat.  Her right paw landed squarely on Bert in his little snow cave, and knocked him unconscious. 

With one quick gulp, Bert slid right down into the dog’s stomach, not much more than a snack for such a large dog.  She settled in for a long day catching mice and didn’t think anymore of Bert, because everyone knows that wayward mice tend to disappear.

Wampa hunting...

It's like Hoth outside.

Review: The Once and Future King by T. H. White

Honestly, I have no idea how to go about writing a review of this book.  It’s a classic.  Books don’t become classics if they suck.  This book does not suck. 

I had never heard of The Once and Future King until recently (within the last year), but once I stumbled upon the title, I kept coming across reference after reference to it.  Once you see a book referenced/recommended 3 or 4 times in a week by various people for various different reasons, you have to read it.  It’s the rules. 

I’ve always enjoyed the King Arthur saga from the various parts I’ve read here and there.  It was nice to have all the bits and pieces put into perspective.  Watching King Arthur grow and develop from a young nobody called Wart into a king with never before matched powers of governing was amazing.  Then to see bit by bit and piece by piece the whole thing come unraveled all over again was totally despairing.  White will use every single one of your emotions against you, and you won’t realize how you have come to value King Arthur as your friend until his dreams and fantasy’s are all swept out from under him and you find yourself falling with him.

If you’ve never heard of “The Once and Future King,” you very well must read it.  If you’ve read it before go back and re-read the part the dead cat.  You know what I’m talking about.  You know you don’t want to.  I know, I know… It was gross.  That’s what I meant by every emotion.

Like I said, this book does not suck.  Like I failed to blatantly state, this book is a must-read.  Especially if you consider yourself a fantasy fan.  T. H. White has got to be up there with Tolkien as being one of the fathers of Modern Fantasy.  This is where it all began.

Disappearing from my imagination

 

For the last 3 nights, I keep having this amazing story idea just prior to falling asleep.  It has to be amazing because I keep thinking about it, and building the story in my head.  Unfortunately, because I’m so close to sleep a) I can’t make myself write it down (even though I keep my notebook next to the bed solely for that purpose), and 2) when I wake up the next morning, I cannot for the life of me remember why the idea was so amazing in the first place.

I’m sure you’re thinking, “OMG. Of course it’s not amazing.  It’s your sleepy brain.  It doesn’t know what it’s doing.”  That’s what I’d be thinking anyway, but for me, just before falling asleep, riding horses, and driving in my car are my best places to get ideas.  (I’m guessing that’s because I tend to let my mind wander the most during these times. That’s also kind of scary because driving a car is a time that I mind shouldn’t wander, but I’m sure you all know what I mean.)  What makes it all the more frustrating is that I’ve had and developed the idea for three nights in a row.  Usually, the ideas don’t stick with me that long without becoming something concrete.

The idea involves disappearing, “Without a Trace” style, but not actually “Without a Trace” style because there is no finding.  It’s about honest-to-goodness disappearing.  Gone.  Va-moose.  Never to be seen or heard from again.  I know that’s the idea, but I have no idea what story went along with it. 

I had hoped that by writing it down, I’d be able to capture something from the near-sleep vault in my mind.  It doesn’t seem to be working.  I will just have to content myself with hoping that I work on the story some more this evening.  Maybe the story will write itself.  That would be nice. 

It’s kind of ironic that the story has disappeared.

In an effort to fight #snowpocalypse boredom…

I download apps.  What exactly are the apps that fight said boredom you ask?  I shall expound upon and review my favorites.

First, I must mention that my boss is a firm believer in never closing for anything (Believe me, we have a hard enough time getting him to close for holidays.), and as such we’ve been open for the last week despite the many inches of snow and single digit temperatures.  Needless to say, people don’t get out much when it’s snowy and cold.  For me, that means long days of twiddling my thumbs and wishing the day would go by more quickly.  Then I realized that “there was an app for that.” Actually, there are a lot of apps for that. 

The first day, I went through a downloading frenzy.  I think I downloaded and subsequently deleted at least 15 apps.  It turns out, (and I already knew this about myself) that I’m not much of a game player.  Not even games that seem like I would enjoy playing.  They just make me bored. 

The second two days, I became more selective in my downloading, and in the whole process found quite a few apps that I’m digging. 

This is the part in which I review said apps.  Because I want to review them, that’s why!

Falldown!

I realize that if one were to judge only from the screenshot above, this game would look really lame.  Believe me.  It’s not.  The object of the game is to keep the red ball falling ever downward as the levels get continually more challenging.  If the ball gets stuck and crushed at the top, Game Over.  You move the ball by tilting the iPod Touch/iPhone.  There are no other controls.  It’s a fun game.  Not addicting, but a nice boredom killer.  

Logic Box

Logic Box is more complex than FallDown! In fact, it’s more like a toy box full of logic games/brain teasers.  My favorite part is when the paratroopers turn into piles of blood because you didn’t save them, but the other games are good too.  (I did mention that I’m not good at games, right?)

FreeCell

This is pretty much self-explanatory.  I enjoy playing FreeCell on the computer, and thought I would enjoy having it with me on my iPod.  I do.  My only complaint is that there is no landscape mode and the cards are tiny.  I sound like an old lady, but I have a hard time seeing them.

Star Wars Books and Timeline

In randomly searching for games, I discovered this Star Wars Book app.  It’s amazing. (However, it probably wouldn’t be for anyone who isn’t an avid collector of Star Wars Novels, but since I am one, it is amazing.) I am realizing now just exactly how geeky these app reviews are going to make me sound.  I digress.

The top picture is of my Star Wars novel list.  The list I use to keep track of what books I own.  I tend to keep it on my wall and update it as needed.  To keep track of upcoming Star Wars novels I periodically do Amazon searches to see what I need to look for in the future.

This app changes all of that.  Like I said, it’s amazing.  I have an always handy list of all the Star Wars books I own, plus a list of all the upcoming books, and all the books I still need all in one place.  Did I mention amazing? 

Sleep Cycle

While still excited about the Star Wars app I’d found, I stumbled across this app.  It’s a biorhythmic alarm clock for my iPod, and the second amazing app brought to me by #snowpocalypse.  What Sleep Cycle does is measure what stage of sleep you are in before waking you up.  It doesn’t wake you up until you are in the lightest cycle of sleep.  This makes it easier to get up in the morning, since it doesn’t blast you out of bed if you are in the deepest sleep. 

I got it with the hopes that it would make me be able to get up earlier and be a morning person.  That didn’t work, but it does make me feel more awake and happier to be up when I get up at my usual time. 

Along with the alarm it keeps statistics and provides graphs about your sleeping habits.  It’s well-worth the 99 cents I paid for it. 

Sketchbook

Sketchbook is a drawing app.  It isn’t the easiest app to use, and I’m still learning about all the things I can do with it, but I had wanted to be able to sketch on my iPod for awhile.  There are many drawing/sketching apps in the app store, but most of them aren’t for actually doing technical drawings and stuff.  They are more geared toward letting your 4 year-old niece draw to keep her quiet in a long line.  Sketchbook offers all kinds of bells and whistles.  Layers, colors, brushes… Everything you need for a quick session of sketching.  It certainly doesn’t stack up to a pad of paper or a traditional program for the computer, but for what it is, it is good. 

Google Mobile

I also downloaded the Google Mobile app because in my searching for awesome apps, I read that Google Goggles can solve Soduku puzzles.  That sounds amazing, and I wanted to be able to use it, but there was a hitch.  Google Goggles only works for iPhones.  It does not work for iPod Touches with cameras.  Super bummer.  I deleted it immediately.

Conclusion

This is a ridiculously long blog post.  I apologize.  Hopefully, something in it was worth your while, or you stopped reading way before now.  Anyway, it turns out that #snowpocalypses are entirely too boring to live without downloading a million apps.  You’re lucky I only shared the ones I loved/hated.

Sometimes I wonder how the story ends.*

Doesn't everyone? It doesn't matter what story; it could be any story. Please tell me how it ends.

Maybe that's why I enjoy reading, but hate stories that have an open ending. I realize that in life there aren't any true endings. Everything keeps going ever onward. I suppose there is never really an end to anything. Only beginnings. Continuations.

That could be why I am always searching for an end. I want to have the stories wrapped up and tied in a neat little bow. When the story doesn't end, I agonize over what might have happened. I can't let it go. It's ridiculous.

How do I learn the ending, if there is no ending?

 

*I tried to post this 2 days ago, but I forgot the new “send to blogger” email I gave myself. 

Book Review: We Hear the Dead by Dianne Salerni

We Hear the dead is what I would call a historical fiction/romance. It revolves around the Fox sisters who were well-known "spiritualists" in the 1800s. By spiritualists, I mean, they pretended to communicate with the spirits of the dead by using elaborate tricks and hoaxes. The story begins with the inception of their "spirit talking" in a small village when they were young children. It follows their careers eventually settling in on the romance of the older Fox sister, Maggie, and the Arctic explorer, Elisha K. Kane.

I think anyone can relate to the two women put forth in this book and, while it's marketed as a Young Adult book, anyone will enjoy the story. Intellectually, I know that this is a work of fiction, but it is based on facts, and I would like to imagine that I had a glimpse into a world that I could have otherwise never known. There is always the possibility that the author has a time machine hidden in her garage and rather than doing her research in a traditional setting she just nipped back in time and watched the events unfold as they happened. I realize the likelihood of Ms. Salerni having a time machine in her garage is next to nil, but a girl can dream, right?

In conclusion, if you like learning how magicians do their tricks, and you like a good romance to boot, We Hear the Dead will come highly recommended. It's more than simply entertaining. It has all the elements of a classic tragedy wrapped up into a Young Adult label.

Read it.

It was a cold day on the ranch, but…

I saw an eagle while I was out riding.  I wish I would have had a proper camera, but alas, I had to make due with my cell phone camera.  I love seeing Bald Eagles.  They possess a certain quality that among other things makes me feel proud to be an American.  However, I imagine that has more to do with the thorough brainwashing I received as a child, rather than anything having to do with the creature.  But I must admit, it is a sight to see stand at the foot of a tree atop a horse while a big, beautiful eagle looks down upon you.  Aloof and daring all in the same bundle of feathers. 

We didn’t stick around for long, but I did snap these pictures of him while he sunned himself up in the top of the tree. 

Make sure you click on the pictures to make them bigger.  He looks like nothing more than a dot in the blog-sized pictures.  I would have cropped them.  I even attempted to crop and doctor them up to make them nicer, but the sad pixelated version of the eagle wasn’t as nice as this version.  I imagine that he prefers it this way too. 

Book Review: Star Wars Red Harvest by Joe Schreiber*

Star Wars: Red Harvest is ridiculous.  Don’t get me wrong. I realize that all Star Wars novels are in the realm of ridiculous, and I collect and read them anyway (perhaps because they are ridiculous), but these Star Wars/zombie novels take the freaking cake.

Admittedly, Red Harvest is more interesting and more plausible than it’s sequel, Death Troopers. (Let’s face it.  How is it plausible that Han Solo and Chewbacca encountered the zombie virus on a prison ship and never mentioned it anywhere in all the movies/books/comics?  It’s not. I don’t buy it.  Death Troopers was entertaining, but that’s all I’m granting it.)  Red Harvest isn’t actually the dumbest Star Wars book I’ve ever read either.  That award goes to Planet of Twilight (but I am digressing so I shall attempt to return to the topic at hand).

The fact that Red Harvest takes place 3650 years before “A New Hope,” and that it utilizes unknown characters on a remote planet is its only saving grace.  Because of this, the storyline becomes plausible.  It is plausible that a deranged Sith lord endeavored to create immortality (totally Sith, right?); it is plausible that instead he created a virus of a sort that he was unable to control; and it is plausible that the whole affair could be entirely unknown to the universe in the later eras.  Because of this plausibility, the story retains an ounce of credibility. 

Also, I must admit that it’s fun to read about a whole school of Sith running around eating each other.  I mean, you have to admit that’s awesome, right?

In conclusion, Schreiber’s second attempt at a Star Wars/zombie novel, while still ridiculous, isn’t horrible.  If anything, it’s an entertaining read.  Go ahead.  Read it.  If you can suspend your disbelief that this genre of books even exists (Star Wars/zombie), you may find that you enjoy it.

*I realize that by writing this I make it apparent that I am some sort of geeky freak.  Hopefully, you won’t hold it against me.