It's been a long time since the hobo penis...

So... The conference went really well, with the exception of the stolen computer, but I really don't want to talk about that. Why focus on the bad things? My commentator loved my paper, I got at least a hundred and fifty books dollars worth of books for free, had free dinner, met a super awesome history professor who taught me about women who have murdered for revenge and gotten away with it, spent lots of time lounging in the hotel lobby, talked a lot, ate free food, and took a tour of a Civil War battlefield. It was fun imagining that all the ghosts of the fallen soldiers were there with me. By then, I was sick of history. Too much of a good thing, ne.

So... I went and got drunk.

Then I woke up to find that Amanda Palmer had gotten hit by a car. A fucking car. OMG. Who almost killed Amanda Palmer, eh? I'm just glad she's okay.

Then my roommate introduced me to the comedy of Eddie Izzard. OMG. I am in love with this guy. You must love him too!



Hopefully, my life calms down a bit now. I'm ready.

OMG... Hobo penis

Omg omg omg... I was just walking out the back door of my class building and I looked over and I kid you not I saw a homeless dude with his penis hanging out pissing on the ground.

Omg. So I did a double take cause I couldn't believe it and hobo penis was still there looking at me. I was so completely mortified. So I kept walking and hoped said homeless dude didn't come after me.

Omg. That was the grossest thing i've ever seen in my entire life. And now the effing image is burned into my brain and I want to gouge my eyeballs out. I cannot believe it. I'm never going to be the same again.

Omg.

And now I have to go buy gaffers tape. I hope I don't see anymore hobo penises. So gross.

Sent from my iPod, Astronaut.

For those of you keeping score...

I present thee:

Huge Bruise Day 3



I think the lighting is better in this image. But like... It's grown like twice the size it was originally, and it still hurts like a MOTHER.

It's not just me...

I just checked around online, and apparently everyone has the issue of the ipod touch going to some random time after it gets synced to the computers.

The good news: Astronaut isn't broken, and if I close itunes and restart it with Astronaut plugged in, she reverts back to the correct time.

The bad news: I have to restart itunes every time I charge Astronaut, and who knows how long it will take Apple to fix this issue.

I'm glad it's not just me going crazy though. I like it when my sanity gets reaffirmed. Then I don't feel quite so alone, and, not to mention, crazy.

Weirding me out...

This is so weird. Everytime I plug Astronaut into Alice to charge
her, the date and time get set back to 2006, and to a completely
arbitrary time. It's got me baffled. Do you think Alice is jealous of
Astronaut?

Sent from my iPod, Astronaut.

...church signs and bucking broncos...

The marquee sign on the local Assemblies of God church reads:

Don't be so
open minded your
brains fall out

I don't like it at all. I really don't like it. Every time I drove past it this weekend, I wanted to run over and switch the letters out to say something else. I did that one time (changed God to Dog...), but I know the pastor of the church, he's an old family friend, and he had to leave his day job to go fix the sign, so I've felt guilty about that ever since. Anyway... I don't know what it is about that particular saying, but I really hate it. I came up with two possibilities:

1) There should be a "that" between the "minded" and "your". I don't know why that would make it better for me, but I think it would be a bit better anyway.

2) Why is he telling his presumably (presumably because most inhabitants of these parts are extremely conservative) conservative congregation not to open their mind? They need to open their mind. At least more than they are now. Not so far that their brains fall out, but just a little bit more than they are now would be nice.

*****

I got bucked off a horse today. Luckily, I managed to stay on long enough to avoid falling in the 4 foot deep water that we'd been in when she started bucking, but not long enough to avoid meeting the ground at high speed. I emerged relatively unharmed with the exception of my elbows and left thigh.



Mind you. That is a 6 hour old bruise. It hurts like a Mother. I'm not looking forward to the morning.

It was me. I did it.

...lights are off, brain is on...

I hate it when I can't sleep. That means I hate this very moment. I just don't know what to do with myself. It's like my brain isn't getting the message from my head to turn off. I can't stop thinking. It's ridiculous. The cat is wishing I would sleep now, he won't stop molesting me. I wish he were a person... The far away one.

I am still not getting what I want.

Why won't my brain turn off? Why am I laying here with only a cat for company? Why do I feel so incredibly overwhelmed?

I want to touch the back of your right arm.

One hour. One hour would be enough for now. Actually, talking would even suffice. I miss... Everything.

...I love her...

I just wanted to write about how much I love my iPod, Astronaut. She is shiny and I can use her to do all sorts of things like lay on my bed, post to my blog, control my itunes over my wifi network, and be happy all at that same time.

Now... If I could just get her to grade my papers and do my homework, I'd have it made. Robot, anyone? Who will build me a robot? I would name him Cosmonaut, and he, Astronaut, and I would live happily ever after. Just like in a fairy tale.

Speaking of fairy tales, my favorite history professor is fascinated by fairy tales. He thinks it's funny that peasants were happy with only having a chicken to eat at the end of the day. Apparently, peasants weren't very creative.

Moral of the story: I love my iPod touch and everyone in the world should have them, but only if they want one, because I don't think my mom (or people like my mom) would have any use for them and they would be sad that they had to have them.

The end.

Sent from my iPod, Astronaut.

I want...

This would be a very good Christmas present for me:



They are only $9.95.

I had more to blog about, but I've forgotten it all. Terribly sorry.

Her name is astronaut...

Guess what?!?! I got her!!! I'm blogging from her!!! How awesome is that?!?! Super awesome, that's how awesome.

Sept. 16, 2008

I killed Amanda Palmer, because she doesn't love me enouch to come anywhere near me on her American tour:

Nov 12 2008 / Mercy Lounge / Nashville, TN

Nov 14 2008 / The Orange Peel / Asheville, NC

Nov 15 2008 / Lincoln Theatre / Raleigh, NC

Nov 16 2008 / Variety Playhouse / Atlanta, GA

Nov 18 2008 / 9:30 Club / Washington, DC (EARLY SHOW)

Nov 19 2008 / New Haven, CT / Toad's Place

Nov 21 2008 / Webster Hall / New York, NY

Nov 22 2008 / Theatre Of Living Arts / Philadelphia, PA

Nov 24 2008 / Paradise Rock Club / Boston, MA (NIGHT 1 of 2)

Nov 25 2008 / Paradise Rock Club / Boston, MA (NIGHT 2 of 2)

Nov 29 2008 / Mr. Small's Theatre / Pittsburgh, PA

Nov 30 2008 / Mod Club Theatre / Toronto, ONT

Dec 2 2008 / Magic Bag / Detroit, MI

Dec 3 2008 / Cabaret Metro / Chicago, IL

Dec 5 2008 / First Ave Nightclub / Minneapolis, MN

Dec 6 2008 / Bluebird Theatre / Denver, CO

Dec 8 2008 / Murray Theatre / Salt Lake City, UT

Dec 10 2008 / VENUE TBA / Vancouver, BC

Dec 11 2008 / Showbox Theatre / Seattle, WA

Dec 12 2008 / Wonder Ballroom / Portland, OR

Dec 13 2008 / Harlow's / Sacramento, CA

Dec 15 2008 / Bimbo's 365 Club / San Francisco, CA

Dec 16 2008 / Henry Fonda Theatre / Los Angeles, CA

1946 Disney Menstration Film

I think that this film may be more informative than I had to watch in fifth grade for our "puberty class." It is also delightfully wonderful. hehehehe....

Amanda Palmer & Tegan and Sarah

Okay... so... Amanda's new blog post is cool, right? Full of pictures and writing and all the things that make blog entries cool. But this picture totally cracks me up because according to Amanda they are supposed to look like a bunch of 1950s degenerates, even down to the switchblade comb she's holding. I don't think Tegan or Sarah got the message. They look entirely too happy to belong to any kind of 50s gang. But then the only 50s gangs I know about are from S.E. Hinton novels (you know, The Outsiders...). I went through an S.E. Hinton phase in high school. Did you know that The Outsiders is in the American Library Association's Top 100 most frequently challenged books? Censorship pisses me off. But, I digress... that's a topic for a different day. Also off-topic, but did you know that Hinton is, first of all, a chick (I was amazed to find that out in high school. I had read like 3 of her books before I found out. It's weird. She writes from such a dude's perspective) and, second of all, she wrote The Outsiders when she was only 15? Can you believe that? I had no idea.



Anyway... I think I made my point. Point: 50s gang members were not happy.

P.S. I don't think I have ever seen Tegan or Sarah before now. That's so weird. I had no idea what they looked like.

Edit: Why the hell does blogger think I want it to resize my images to 400 pixel width? It's so fucking annoying. I don't understand it. It would be different if it would, I don't know, actually Resize it, but no... It just cuts the side off and then the picture looks stupid. Hate you GOOGLE!

She's on her way!

"We wanted to let you know that your order has shipped."

I'm excited, I'm excited, I'm excited, I'm excited!

...the historian in me, she can't resist...

"If we are to accept, as Doyle here invites us to do, that the shape of the revolution was determined by accidents, then we are to accept not simply that the outcome was fundamentally random but also that the event is its own explanation. That runs the risk of becoming eventually an argument akin to 'what happens, happens because it happens.'" -Colin Lucas

Now see... no matter how right a philosophy of "what happens, happens" may be, a historian can never put forth that argument for the simple fact that if we did, we would be out of a job. hehehehe...

...constitution anyone?...

Form email that I'm choosing to blog instead:

Subject: What matters to you?

Hey,

We’re buried in a blizzard of speeches, TV ads, emails and phone calls from political candidates. But, are they talking about the issues that matter to you and me?

Who will act with energy and conviction to restore our lost liberties? Who will put their foot down to end torture? Who will hold accountable those who condoned illegal activities?

I think these are critical issues this election season. That's why I just got my free “I’m a Constitution Voter” bumper sticker.

Join me and let candidates know you want immediate action to restore our fundamental freedoms.

Get your free "I Am a Constitution Voter" today:
http://action.aclu.org/bumper_sticker

***********

Thanks for taking a stand!

The ACLU Online Team

Geek Fail

This is cracking me up:

“What did they say in ‘Star Wars’? We’re going where no man has ever been? Well, that’s where we’re going.”

All hell has broken loose in geek-dom.

Today I broke my bike...

...on the way to a bike race.

OMG

Look at all the new iPod yumminess!

I WANT THE NEW IPOD TOUCH!!!

I seriously cannot wait for the new iPod touch. Can't wait. Want one now. Must wait for refurbs. I can do it. Want!

...dead bodies...

Warning: The post you are about to read contains my ramblings about history. Also, dead bodies.


Confederate dead behind the stone wall of Marye's Heights, Fredericksburg, Virginia, killed during the Battle of Chancellorsville, May 1863

I've been mulling this theory over and over in my head for awhile now. It's just that I really don't understand why the Southern states decided that they should seceed from the Union to start the Civil War. My reasoning is this: It was the issue of the expansion of slavery that ultimately caused the war. The southern slaveholding states felt it pertinant to expand slavery to other states and/or territories as a safety valve. By 1860, many slaveholding states actually had a majority of slaves than slave owners. The slave owners felt they needed expansion as an outlet to get rid of slaves who were rapidly procreating. To me, it seems that it would have been better to try and attain this through the channels in the government than by seceeding from the union.

I feel that they should have realized that by seceeding from the union they were going against what they wanted in the first place. Had the South won the Civil War, eventually the slaves would have realized that they were in the majority and they would have eventually revolted to put down the slave owners. Either way, this is bad. Civil War=Death of many many many people. Slave revolt=Death of many many many people. Stay with the union=No Death.

Bottom line: War doesn't make sense.


Chancellorsville Campaign, Virginia, May 3, 1863: A Southern soldier who died attempting to hold the Confederate line on Marye's Heights overlooking Fredricksburg, Virginia. Note the rifle across the soldier's body—photographers loved to place weapons on bodies to add drama to the image.

I'm a historian, so what?"

"The historian's god is chance. Cleopatra's nose, the Duchess of Marlborough's gloves, the Holy Roman Emperor's mushrooms, Hitler sending a dispatch a day later than he should have sent it - these are the true stuff of history. And the task of the historian is to accumulate more and more of such facts and put them in chronological order. His not to reason why; indeed, he must not reason at all. His world is an academic Garden of Eden, a nudist's paradise of naked facts, in which he may sport, inocent not only of the idea's of good and evil [...], but innocent of any ideas at all."

Alfred Cobban
The Social Interpretation of the French Revolution

To Google...

Dear Google Chrome,

I do not like you. I do not like that you tricked me into downloading you even after I said I did not want you. I hate you Google. Stick with the things you are good at, like email and calendars. Google, don't make me hate you.

September 9th...

...is supposed to be the day for the big iPod announcement. I hope they do something awesome. I'd totally love a 16 gb or higher iPod touch, but I don't want to spend 200 dollars for it.

Also, why is my stupid blog advertising LASIK eye surgery? They are supposed to be RELEVANT ads. I never once talked about eyes until now. Now that's relevant. hmm... maybe it knew I would talk about it... ooo... creepy. Google is creepy.

Plus, they have a new web browser. You should download it, and tell me what it's like compared to Firefox.

I like it when people randomly talk to me

Walking to class:

Boy: Are you my teacher?
Me: Are you in room 004 right now?
Boy: Yes.
Me: I believe I am.

Hehehehe... I'm awesome.

Later, in the elevator while minding my own business:

Different Boy: Hey... I really dig that shirt. I love the Dresden Dolls.
Me: Thanks!
In my head: OMG! HE DIGS MY SHIRT!!!

...I really like this poem...

One Art
by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.


--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.