...so happy together...

This really sucks. I can't seem to sleep anymore when i'm by myself at
night. I can be as tired as can be and yet as soon as I get into bed
I'm wide awake. I hate it. I pretty much just want to be able to sleep
again. I tried just waiting it out the other night but it didn't work
and I ended up lying here awake until who knows when. It makes for a
really shitty day when you haven't slept well the night before, and
I'm already freaking out enough about life in general to have to be
dealing with no sleep. To make it just a little bit worse tonight I
can't get that fucking Turtles song out of my head. You know the one
I'm sure. The fucking catchy one that they always use in commercials.
Just in case you didn't notice the precedeing sentence was merely a
fragment. I worried today that I might have Asperger's Syndrome, so I
had to look up the symptoms online to make sure I didn't. Fortunately,
in my medical opinion, I don't have it; however, I might be a
borderline hypochondriac. That is the least of my worries. Test
tomorrow. I hope one of the questions is about the Emancipation
Proclamation, because I can write a kick ass essay on that topic. I
also hope one of the questions is not about the military actions
between 1861 & 1863 because I avoided that section like the plague. I
pretty much hate military history. What really sucks about history,
however, is that all the scholars I want to work with are either dead
or retired or going to retire before I would graduate. That really
sucks. For a little while today I considered quitting altogether. I
kinda hit a low point for some reason. Probably because it is
stressful as hell writing to people you don't know and pretty much
begging them to like you. Why can't they just like me already? I'm a
nice, bright, intelligent kid. They should just like me already. Too
bad I have the crappiest advisor in the world. I don't even know if
he's going to finish that paleography class with me. He'd better or I
will be fucked but I feel like he's given up on me because apparently
some people in the department are better than me and everyone likes
them more. I hate feeling inadequate and I'm sure they don't think
that but it sure as hell feels that way sometimes. But I guess that's
enough pity party for one night. I should probably try to sleep now,
but I'm sure I'll just end up watching reruns of Without A Trace into
the wee hours. That is pretty much par for the course these days. I
apologize for any spelling errors Astronaut is kind of a bitch to blog
on. I also apologize for any profanities, they like to play when I'm
stressed which happens to be most of the time these days.

Sent from my iPod, Astronaut.